Today is Autism Awareness Day. I thought I'd jot down some random disconnected thoughts about my experience as a high-functioning autistic.
I've never felt human. I don't know what humans feel like, exactly, but I'm pretty sure I'm not like that. As far back in my childhood as I can remember I was different. At some point I decided I wasn't actually human ... I was an exile living amongst them, condemned to a life of isolation with the poo-throwing monkeys.
When other kids were reading their books I devoured entire biographies of Joan of Arc, Elizabeth I, and Queen Victoria. History books, science books, you name it, I read it. My mind is kind of like Wikipedia as an adult except that the links are surreal. I tend to blurt out strange things as a result. Example: my sister started talking about some new candy bar she had eaten and why she had liked it. My response: "I had Rolos last week." *awkward silence* Yes, I sounded like a complete retard. But somehow the link makes sense to me. Here's how it went (except no words, it's more pictures and sensations):
candy bars ... what are my favorite candy bars? ... Hmm, I like Rolos ... I had some Rolos last week ... Twix ... they're kinda like Rolos with a cookie inside! ... hunh, both of them are chocolate and caramel ... do I especially like candy bars with chocolate and caramel? ... yeah, I like Milky Ways ... but not Three Musketeers ... Three Musketeers have the nougat but not the caramel, so that's a good control ...
Out of the box thinking? I don't even have a box.
As a child I would feel horribly awkward and sink into myself. As an adult I've come to realize that there's a certain segment of the population that actually finds this charming (I suspect this population also can recite Monty Python sketches verbatim). Luckily, I've found some of them.
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